Wednesday, March 5, 2014


Have you ever been there? Where there is a knot in the pit of your stomach? There is a heaviness in your heart, but you're not sure what it is. You think back but you can't come up with anything?

That was me about a month ago. I had felt a very heavy spirit. I was in a spiritual slump...lost for words of encouragement...scripture slipped my tongue...couldn't settle down for routine prayer...

It hit me on a Sunday morning at church. Another great pastor and a big chunk of church were leaving our congregation to plant a church in our sister city. I knew this was the plan, but when I saw the team on stage, I realize just how big the team was and I couldn't help but to cry and feel as though if I were being abandoned.

You see, for the past eight or nine months, our church has been sending the best of our congregation to plant churches in Zambia,  Atlanta, and then the one leaving to our sister city.

The pastoral teams leaving our church were essential to our church, and have been there for us in our time of need, but now, they are leaving huge gaps.

It hit me that Sunday, and I felt as if I were personally being abandoned. That's when I realized that this had been my burden. All along, I had been praising God that our church is branching out and it would reach people in Texas, Georgia, and Zambia. I wanted to convince myself that everything would be fine and that the Lord will raise our church, and raise those to be planted....

But I finally had to admit that I was hurt. The people I counted on for spiritual support and guidance, my friends, my community, my church family...they were leaving. As I allowed my tears to flow, I began to understand that my spiritual slump was actually my spirit grieving the great loss.

Our senior pastor, one of the greatest pastors I know, prayed over me and with pain in his voice let me know he was hurting also. I cannot imagine his pain.  I was so consumed with my own feelings that I failed to see the overwhelming pain in others.

All of a sudden, I realize why I was so unsettled. Because while I praised God, I didn't trust Him. I knew I had to change the way and who I prayed for. My focus had to change from me to them.  My heart had to pray for the teams that were leaving; pray for spiritual wisdom, courage, strength, passion, protection, and provisions. That they continue to be on fire and also ignite that spiritual fire in people who will come to know the Lord, and that their words and actions please the Lord.

I also had to pray for our pastor and his wife who remain here. That the Lord continues to bless them with their spiritual and leadership gifts. That the Lord raises a stronger church. That He may prepare our hearts and prepare my heart for the next church planters to come!

Today, I feel a little better. And although planting a church is not a small thing, letting go is {not easy, but small in comparison}. Giving in to the will of God has made a world of a difference to my heart.

Are you holding on to something small that can make a big difference?

Verse of the Month

Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take."

Join me and many others for more encouraging words with Holley Gerth at  Coffee for Your Heart  or join me at

Love and Blessings, Bea