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Growing up, and up to several years ago, I felt as if I were competing against everyone for everything. From the way I spoke, to what I drove. Sometimes I felt I was ahead of the race while most times I felt inadequate to even be considered to compete. Keeping up with the Joneses broke me, bleached hair faded, new car dented, new home foreclosed, clothes went out of style... so what is left? Me. Myself. And I.
This is who I AM, and who I am NOT.
I am not a clean, bleach it all, a place for everything and everything in its place type of woman. My floors are dirty most of the time, there is visible dust on my furniture, clothes on the floor, a dish or two, or three in the sink, and my laundry/catch all room is a chaotic room in which you could possibly get sucked into and lost for a few days. Sometimes I just want to drop bread crumbs to be able to find my way back, and even if I did my dog Zoey would eat them then we'd both be lost.
I AM the mommy who sweeps the crumbs that don't get eaten by the dogs when company comes . I AM the mommy who bravely goes through the laundry/catch all room for everyone else and bravely (or barley) makes it back.
I am not always the housekeeper I should be. On some days you will smell my dogs inside the house. You may see pet hair on the floor or paw prints on the tile.
I AM the pet mommy who will clean after them, sweep their shedding hair, and loves on them. And you will always, ALWAYS see two happy, rescued dogs, eager to play with you or knock you on your butt if you're not watching out!
I am not the wife who ever says "the laundry is done," even if I drop a load or two daily. And there are piles -ceiling high! of clean clothes...and it waits to be put away, but we just use the laundry room as an extension of our drawers and closet.
I Am the mommy who has pulled out a dirty uniform from the bottom of the laundry basket, sprayed it with Febreze, air it out with my hands to "magically" clean them. It's a superhero quality mommies have, by the way.
I am not the mommy who cooks the healthiest meals. Sometimes, cereal looks good for all three meals, and if we throw in some ramen noodles, then we have conquered the day!
I AM the mommy who will always make sure my family eats everyday. Cereal, noodles, or steak and potatoes. Either at the dinner table or on the go, all wrapped up in a flour tortilla (SCORE!).
I am not the woman who goes to the beauty salon every month, gets her pedicures or manicures, peels, tans, jogs, watches Grey's Anatomy, spends hours at coffee shops, upgrades her cell phone, or wears the name brand clothing. Don't get me wrong, not that I don't want to (I. Want. To!) but most of the time it's either because I don't have the money, and when I have the money I don't have the time.
I AM the woman who is so busy and tired by the end of the day, that I am perfectly fine with it. Sometimes I run out the door and finish tying my shoes at a red light, or I chew off a chipped nail. My tan is free of charge when I stand in the sun at my kids games - then I peel, hehe - And who wants to jog when they are running around all the time, right? My TV shows are American Idol, as I spend time with my daughter and then I turn into a voice critic. I also watch The Walking Dead and I spend that time with my hubby and son. I am no good with high tech cell phones, so I would like my flip phone back, thank you very much. And my old, comfy jeans and a t-shirt are all I need to get through the day. And one day I will own a pair of boots.
My yard has weeds, and dirt, and some dog poop overlooked by the kids. And our fence has a lawn chair on it, hoping it will keep our dogs from jumping out of our yard. It helps, but the view is a little...well, it keeps our dogs in our yard.
I AM the woman who dreams of a lush yard, with a variety of fruit trees, a gathering place to sing worship music with a tall wooden cross to anchor our yard. A place to honor our Lord and to thank Him for who I Am; a perfect child of His.
It is in Him that I take comfort in accepting and confessing who I am. Not in the details of my home, but in the overwhelming love He has for me just the way I am. Not in the luxuries I don't posses, but in the treasures He provides in my character through Jesus. I don't take comfort in this world which only lasts but a blink, but in the presence of His Majesty for eternity. He has created me with His own Powerful Hands... blessed AM I. And that is who I AM.
