Thursday, July 10, 2014

A Letter to my Younger Self


Dearest Bea,

How you love your babies.

For years, you will love them unconditionally, you will care for them and spend sleepless nights when they are sick, and you will forgive them even when they don’t apologize, you will nurture them, you will protect them and that’s just the emotional side of it.  You will also work hard for a living for them, you will clean a house that will never seem clean, you will cook, you will do a ton of laundry and the pile will never go down…and there will seem like there is no end to the physical aspect just so that it can pair up beautifully with the emotional.

They will instantly fall in love with you and you will become their hero, superMOM, and the one who will solve anything and accomplish everything!  They will believe you know every answer to every question like, “How did the Power Puff Girls know my phone number?” (Power Puff Girls will call Summer when she is potty trained, wink, wink). They will be amazed at how you cooked such fluffy pancakes, and they will just love the way you microwave those frozen taquitos, which they will think are the best because you warmed them up.  They will cling on to you when they feel scared because they know you can make all of the scary things go away with just a prayer (while you wear your superhero cape, of course).  Actually, they will cling on you just because you are their very special mommy.  They will love going to the park with you as you soft toss their first baseball/softball because they will think you were once the greatest athlete that college ever knew.  They will whisper all of their secrets in your ear, and they will share all of their discoveries with a sparkle in their eyes. 

You may not feel like it, but you will be the star of their show.  You will be what they want to be when they are grown.  You are their example of how an incredibly amazing person should look, act, speak, and laugh.

You may not be perfect, but they will think you are.  They will be blind to your faults and defects.  They will be oblivious to your hang-ups and failures.  They will not care if you had a past because they will think you were created the moment they were born just to care for them.

Love them fiercely.  Love them all the time, continuously.  Love them when they make wrong decisions.  Love them as they grow and fall and fail.  Love them when they’re asleep.  Love them with words ALL the time!  Love them with actions even more!

Teach them to love, to forgive, to respect, to be compassionate, to care, to help, and to be humble.  Teach them that the world does not revolve around them.  Teach them to put others first.  Teach them to share and give of their things, their time, and themselves.  Teach them that man does not live on bread alone….

Enjoy and cherish every day, every thing about your babies.  Don’t allow time to slip you by because it is one of the things you will never get back or make up.  Don’t allow opportunities to fade into the should-have.

One day, when they are teenagers, they will think they have figured life out and they will begin to see how wrong you are.  They will not think you are funny, but rather embarrassing.  They will figure out how little you know of the world and how much more they know.  They will reject the lunch you carefully prepared for them after their long hours of practice, just because they are upset with you.  They will roll their eyes when you try to strike a conversation with them, and even ask you NOT to participate in future technology because it is for young, cool people.  They will give you a mean look when they are on the phone and you call out their name for dinner.  They will want to listen to their music through their headphones when you are all in the car and ignore your comments.  They will want to play video games instead of doing life with you.

Love them anyways; it will be the only way they know how to be when they grow up.  Continue to be their supermom; though to them its just child’s-play, deep down they need it.  Continue to sing loud and dance silly when they are around, deep down they love it.  Continue to forgive them, because it is how they will learn to forgive you when you fall short of your supermommy status.  Continue to teach them, they will continue to learn throughout their life through your examples, they just don’t know it yet.  Continue to press on to the end goal, never give up on them.  They will catch on. 

One day, when you go through this, you will cry.  But your cry is not for the pain your own children bring you, though there will be plenty of those, but for the pain your own parents felt at this point of their lives, and no one was there to tell them it would all turn out ok.  Just as you will feel that you will always need your parents, so do your own children, they will not admit to it during their teenage years, though.  And sometimes through their young adulthood years.  But like the prodigal child, they too will come back to you.  Just pray.  A lot.  It’ll be the only thing to keep you strong and to keep you loving your unlovable teenagers.  Not because you don’t want to love them, but because they don’t want to be loved by this amazing, never-ending, messy and sometimes sloppy, supermommy love.

With so much love for our own children, I can’t imagine what loving a grandchild will be like, but when I find out, I’ll write you another letter.  Then maybe, together we can do something right in our lives.  In the meantime, along with your spouse, seek and love the Lord with all your heart, soul, strength, and mind.

Love you forever,

A mature and new creation in Christ, Bea

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Unsettled

Have you ever been there? Where there is a knot in the pit of your stomach? There is a heaviness in your heart, but you're not sure what it is. You think back but you can't come up with anything?

That was me about a month ago. I had felt a very heavy spirit. I was in a spiritual slump...lost for words of encouragement...scripture slipped my tongue...couldn't settle down for routine prayer...

It hit me on a Sunday morning at church. Another great pastor and a big chunk of church were leaving our congregation to plant a church in our sister city. I knew this was the plan, but when I saw the team on stage, I realize just how big the team was and I couldn't help but to cry and feel as though if I were being abandoned.

You see, for the past eight or nine months, our church has been sending the best of our congregation to plant churches in Zambia,  Atlanta, and then the one leaving to our sister city.

The pastoral teams leaving our church were essential to our church, and have been there for us in our time of need, but now, they are leaving huge gaps.

It hit me that Sunday, and I felt as if I were personally being abandoned. That's when I realized that this had been my burden. All along, I had been praising God that our church is branching out and it would reach people in Texas, Georgia, and Zambia. I wanted to convince myself that everything would be fine and that the Lord will raise our church, and raise those to be planted....

But I finally had to admit that I was hurt. The people I counted on for spiritual support and guidance, my friends, my community, my church family...they were leaving. As I allowed my tears to flow, I began to understand that my spiritual slump was actually my spirit grieving the great loss.

Our senior pastor, one of the greatest pastors I know, prayed over me and with pain in his voice let me know he was hurting also. I cannot imagine his pain.  I was so consumed with my own feelings that I failed to see the overwhelming pain in others.

All of a sudden, I realize why I was so unsettled. Because while I praised God, I didn't trust Him. I knew I had to change the way and who I prayed for. My focus had to change from me to them.  My heart had to pray for the teams that were leaving; pray for spiritual wisdom, courage, strength, passion, protection, and provisions. That they continue to be on fire and also ignite that spiritual fire in people who will come to know the Lord, and that their words and actions please the Lord.

I also had to pray for our pastor and his wife who remain here. That the Lord continues to bless them with their spiritual and leadership gifts. That the Lord raises a stronger church. That He may prepare our hearts and prepare my heart for the next church planters to come!

Today, I feel a little better. And although planting a church is not a small thing, letting go is {not easy, but small in comparison}. Giving in to the will of God has made a world of a difference to my heart.

Are you holding on to something small that can make a big difference?



Verse of the Month

Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take."



Join me and many others for more encouraging words with Holley Gerth at  Coffee for Your Heart  or join me at asoftgentlevoice.blogspot.ca













Love and Blessings, Bea 

Thursday, January 30, 2014

Love Letter


An Open Love Letter For You (I will post this the entire month of February)

     I would like to start off by letting you all know that even though we may not talk to each other often, I still think of you and I pray for you.

     This year I will be on my second year of the fourth decade of my life.  I never thought I would love being in my 40’s, but I would not take years away from my age, my experiences, my knowledge, or my body.  My age is a reminder of the blessings the Lord has allowed me to enjoy.  He has wonderfully and gracefully allowed me another year of life to enjoy love, to fulfill, to struggle, cry and to laugh.  My experiences are many, and the lessons have not always been the most enjoyable, in fact, my lessons have been some of the hardest lessons people on earth can endure, but I carry them as guides and tools for my future.  I have learned, matured, and moved on.  These experiences go hand in hand with my knowledge; I am that much wiser.  To repeat a bad experience is not to have learned from the lesson, but to avoid that path or help someone not walk through it is gain.   
     
     My body is a beautiful reminder of the two children I have given birth to, the endless hours of school work, the stresses of life, the rich foods I thoroughly enjoy every day of my life.  It is also a reminder of my younger years, late nights with too much fun and too little rest and too little of God.  The wrinkles on my face show the joy and happiness in my life, real genuine content and satisfaction of where I am at, exactly where God has placed me.  My grey hair is in full bloom, and I am ok with it.  I don’t know if I will ever dye it again, but for now, I will enjoy the full splendor of the white throughout my brown locks of beautiful hair, perhaps thinning, but nevertheless beautiful.  I have grown, literally, to love, appreciate, embrace, and care for my body.  To see it how God sees it; a wonderful masterpiece of love, grace, and tenderness.  My body is a place where my children lay their heads when they are tired, it is what they hug when they need comfort, and it has the warmth of the love they need every single day.  It has just the right amount of strength to play with my dogs when they are playing rough and to clean the house an entire Saturday.  It is building the endurance to run more, and the will power to eat better.  

      Through my journey, I have hurt many people and I think I have made peace with them all.  I have also been deeply wounded, and even though forgiveness has not been sought, I have forgiven everyone everything.  I have also learned to be more compassionate, meek, loving, understanding, and wiser, oh yes, wiser.

     I have also been blessed with the knowledge of God …not just that He is God.  I really know who He is, what He wants of us, why He has created us, for us, and in us, how He has forgiven us and the deep love He has for us. How He means every single word He has ever spoken, and how He remains the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow.  It is because of Him that I am able to live 42 years, and know all this.  It is because of Him that I am able to make peace with myself, my past, my experiences, and my body.  It is because of Him that I feel absolute peace and joy even in the midst of my daughter’s brain surgery.  It is because of Him that I know I did not know anything, and I have nothing, and yet because of Him I have everything.

     Today, I can look anyone in the eye and speak clearly, without fear, without holding back, without trying to be someone else, without trying to impress.  I do not owe anything to anyone, there are no shackles on me, there is no debt I can not be freed from.

     My desire is that you know I have learned to accept and to give love in an unconditional manner.  God is the reason for all this, and because of all this I am able to love you more and beyond. Love is a powerful word that has action attached to it; love without action is worthless. That is why I am acting and speaking so boldly.

      So, if you have read this very intimate letter of love, know that I do. Even better than that, you are greatly blessed, highly favored, and deeply loved (one of my favorite Christian phrases), by our Father, God Almighty.

Verse of the Month

                
  John 15:13 "There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends." 

As Jesus prepared for His undeserved death, He taught us how to love through His teachings and actions. We do not necessarily have to lay our lives down for others, but, like Jesus also taught us, by feeding the poor, loving the undesirable, helping the widow and the fatherless, and visiting the sick. There are so many ways in which Jesus showed us how to love. Be bold and love unconditionally.


Join me and many others for more encouraging words with Holley Gerth at  Coffee for Your Heart  or join me at asoftgentlevoice.blogspot.ca
















How have you been encouraged to love boldly?

Love and Blessings, Bea