Tuesday, January 28, 2014

You Are Not Alone

When I was a little girl, I use to think that I had a normal life UNTIL I knew everything, you know that age group...my teenage years! That is when I made up my mind that I had a dysfunctional family. There was alcohol abuse, family neglect and abuse (verbal and emotional). It was my normal, but then again, I was at an age where I knew it was not normal. I love my family deeply, all of them, even my extended, crazy, family.  It was all I knew. 

As a young teenager, I began to get in trouble, seeking the attention I lacked at home. Not always the kind of trouble you get caught doing, but things I knew I should not be doing. The make up, the wrong friends, the boyfriends, the ditching school. Then, there were the trouble I got into and got caught...the make up, the wrong friends...you get the picture. Of course, I denied it all and talked my way out of almost everything. Other than expulsion from a junior high, and a couple of other school suspensions, I was lucky not to get into some real trouble.

 Don't get me wrong, I was well taken cared for. I always had a roof over my head, food in my stomach, and clothes on my back, but I missed a very big part of every kids life.  My mom is a beautiful, nurturing, loving person, to this day.  She loves with all of who she is.  But the guilt she felt over our home life allowed for leniency in our discipline and we were allowed to do things that I wish we had not been allowed, like going to parties, at a young age. I believe because of this, I sought approval from everyone else, specially on my beauty. I made a conscious decision that I would be noticed, and liked, by everyone. I felt that my life outside of my home was the price my parents were going to pay for putting me through such a hard childhood. I made that choice. I knew it clearly. I spoke it, and I was going to live the big, party, friend filled lie life.

As I mature in God, I can see things very different. I could have made wiser choices. Though my upbringing was a little tough, I still knew right from wrong, but I felt entitled to my "happiness" at any cost. So, although I was misguided by my own interpretation of what my life should of been, I still knew there were other choices, but at the time, I felt that I was owed a different life. I took advantage of my situation, in the wrong way. 

It was not all my fault, though. I was a child, and I was angry, and I took the easy way out. I can see that now. I was lost. And you know what big part of every kids life I was missing? God. The only one who fills in the missing pieces when everyone else falls short, by our nature. When I felt alone and unloved, I didn't realize God was there to love and comfort me.

Our perception of life is our reality. That may change through our experiences and lessons learned. Knowing God has allowed the real healing of my childhood, which I have some accountability on. Our feelings and emotions are very sensitive, and they change from season to season, and sometimes from day to day. Nothing is set on stone (except God's Holy Word). Nothing we say or do is "forever," or "never." Have you noticed that? When I began to write today, my intentions were to write about my victim-role childhood story, but as I took a hard look at my life, it turned out to be a confession of owning my part. Believe it or not, even with the shame, I feel better, or should I say FREE! I can move forward with life, and know that I do not have to hate, or blame, or point the finger at anyone.  The only one who is truly to blame was and is the enemy, who distorts reality and destroys families.

I know this is so cliche but I believe that everyone (for the most part) does the best they can with what they have.

So, here it goes. I confess. I made huge mistakes up until I began my serious walk with God. And like most people who have been hurt, I refused to see my mistakes and take responsibility. But I accept that I was thoughtless and my decisions were not always the best ones, in fact, they were down right WRONG! I thank God that He has given me new life, I am born again, I am a brand new creation in Jesus Christ. Perfect. Mercy. Love.

 2 Corinthians 5:17 "This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!"

I have felt alone in my struggles most of my life. But as I go through life I realize that everyone has a story, a struggle, whether it is a "dysfunctional" family (as I was sure mine was!), an addiction, abuse, I realized that I was not alone, and you are not alone, in fact, you were never alone. From the day we are born, to the day we die, He is with us, whether we know it or not. 

Matthew 28:20 "...And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”

Thank you God, for a wonderful, adventurous, and great life. I did not deserve it, but you gave it to me anyways.

Join me and many others for more encouraging words at holleygerth.com for  Coffee for Your Heart  or join me with Rebekah A Hughes at asoftgentlevoice.blogspot.ca

Love and Blessings, Bea


  1. This is a great post! Don't you just love it when you start out to write something and God changes it and you find you are preaching a good word right to your own heart? This is full of grace and truth and I can almost see you transforming, opening wider to Him and allowing the work that He began in you to continue on! Oh that we will all lean in and do the same!

    Visiting from Holley's place today! Glad we could share a bit of 'Coffee' together!

    1. Karrilee,
      I have been mad at people for the mistakes I have made. But healing does not come without the truth. I am at a point in my life where I have to be honest and walk in light (my convictions!). Thank you for reading, friend.

  2. I've also walked some hard places that I thought no one would understand. But that's the beauty of Christ and His community. We all make choices and eventually the consequences come, good and bad. Thank you for sharing this today.
    Visiting from Holley's place!

    1. Sarah,
      I thank God that the consequences were painful because it lead me to Him. I don't ever want to go to that place again. Thank you for reading, friend.

  3. You are right, we all have a story filled with ups and downs, struggles and trials and regrets. It's when we share with others that we see how connected we are and how our stories parallel and intersect with others. Glad you are able to see your past in a different light now.

    Christy @ A Heartening Life

    1. Christy,
      And the best part is that I feel the power of the Holy Spirit moving to strengthen relationships that have not been what they should. Thank you for reading, friend.

  4. I can relate to your story so well - the parallels are amazing. So glad to hear God gave you the gift of repentance. That's where the healing begins. So glad to hear you are like Job and the second part of your life will be twice as blessed as the early part! "Our perception of life is our reality." That is so true, thank you for that.

  5. Laura,
    To be in a community and hear other sisters say that they relate is so important and very necessary to the healing process. Thank you for sharing, and thank you for reading.

  6. I love it when we sit down to write one thing and find deeper things that reveal the grace and love of our Lord.
    Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing what you are wrestled with and how God is working in you. His Words do bring life.
    Thank you for linking up, Bea

    1. Rebekah,
      Boy did I find deeper things! I love His way of setting me free. Thank you for your encouraging words and for reading my blog. See you again in a couple of days.

  7. Hi Beatriz! Thank you so much for your lovely comment on my blog today. This was my first time linking up with Holley, and I am so glad we met too :)

    You have such a powerful story here! You could have lost even now, but you have gained so much wisdom from your younger days. That is grace in your life, and you accepted and used it to become wiser. You are living proof of what can happen when we are open to God-whispers.

    I look forward to getting to know you better, I love to meet new blog-friends! Have a good night, and a peaceful weekend.

    1. Ceil,
      I am so humbled to have you, such a beautiful and experienced blogger, stop by and read my thoughts. Thank you for being a huge encouragement. I also look forward to our blog-friendship. See you in a couple of days!